During
Thakur’s last illness, Sri Ma’s grief knew no limits. She went to the Shiva
temple at Tarakehwar to find a reprieve.
She gave up food and water and lay before Shiva for two days in the hope
of getting some remedy that could save him. On the night of the second day, she
had a strange experience: “I was startled to hear a sound. It was as if someone
was breaking a pile of earthen pots with one blow. I woke up from the torpor
and the idea flashed in my mind, ‘Who is husband and who is wife? Who is my
relative in this world? Why am I about to kill myself?’ All attachment for the
Master disappeared. My mind was filled with utter renunciation. I groped
through darkness and sprinkled my face with holy water from the pit at the back
of the temple. I also drank a little water as my throat was parched with
thirst. I felt refreshed. The next morning I came to Cossipore garden. No
sooner did the Master see me than he asked, ‘Well, did you get anything? Well,
everything is unreal, isn't it?”
